help, a poem

I made it past my birthday.

Its been four years since I last saw you

And there’s only three left

Till my my bodies fully. cycled through

And there won’t be anything left that you’ve touched

Yes I’ll forgive you,

maybe someday

… and hope you’ve learned to love

I walk across the bridge

On my way to work every morning

I’ve almost forgotten

Gripping the rails 

talking myself down from a final swim

Oh you may see my trembling skin as I yell at you from the bathwater 

Worry about my state of mind you hover in case I go under

But baby I 

I’m so very proud of myself

I might slip, bump my hip

But I now have the tools to get back up. And ask when I need help

You know what I’ve learned? 

It isn’t about me anymore

What happened to you?
To make you this way? 

To try to hurt me more… 

And I don’t meant to let you down when I forget to take care of myself.

And I know not to try to present that I’m fine when you know all to well

But baby I 

I’m so very proud of myself

I might slip, bump my hip

But I now have the tools to get back up. And ask when I need help

….

It only took one page in a bookstore I didn’t know it was so d a n g e r o u s

To casually open one about victims of sexual assault.

I didn’t know that was me till I heard my own my words repeated back to myself

gripping the binding till my hands were sore 

Till I was on the floor

Till you asked me what all

my tears were for

…

Darling baby I

I’m so very proud of you

Look at the way. You said my name

When you needed me to come to you

When you asked for

help.